I am not whining, I’m just telling you how it is…
Typically, it is not this early in the season that I am thankful that the boys scheduled a fishing trip on an off-day. On most off-days, I feel so excited to actually have a sidekick for a day that I make a big deal of it. Mat and I will make it a point to do something fun, whether that’s go to the zoo, get lost exploring or watch movies in bed all day. The main point is that we spend time together. Toward the end of the season, I might find myself encouraging him to go hang out with the boys because I need a day to regroup. I am embarrassed to admit that my girly feelings tell me that, this year, I’m already at that point and my brain is telling me that the season has only just begun and that I better pull it together- and fast.
It’s not that I’m exhausted physically. It’s not like I physically carried our belongings from San Diego to Arizona to Cincinnati. It’s not like I even carried them up from the car to our new living quarters. I can’t even really look back and say I’ve done anything extra crazy besides make a million phone calls and send a million emails and pack boxes and, you know, figure our lives out. This really shouldn’t have drained me, because I’m not usually much of a wimp, but it did.
I guess this is the part where I admit that mental exhaustion exists and there is only so much chaos a person can take before he or she decides that the most productive thing to do is to stay in bed watching Animal Planet all day. To be fair, I got up to take a shower around 2 and then I finally ordered some chicken noodle soup from room service around 3 but you get where I’m going. I needed a day to just zone out.
I think the stressful part about this trade is probably best defined as “everything”. While I am certain that I am going to figure Cincinnati out, my first week there was filled with anxiety and ultimately made me depressed. This has nothing to do with the city itself or with the ballpark or with baseball at all. It had everything to do with the fact that adjusting to a new city far far away from your family and friends is stressful no matter what the reason for relocation is.
I will point out that it’s a much different experience for Mat than it is for me because he has a job to go to every day. That makes it easier for him to make new friends or at least see human faces and he’s not the one spending 9-10 hours a day alone, trying to sort his life out like I am. I love alone time but I think it reaches a point where it’s some kind of unhealthy. Add that to feeling stranded and helpless because you have no idea how to get anywhere and that point approaches much more quickly. I passed that point about 5 days ago.
As soon as I get back to town, I have full intentions of figuring this “life in a new city” thing out. I need to go out and explore, find a place I like to go for coffee, my new favorite breakfast spot, where on earth the yoga studios are, maybe make some friends, find a place to volunteer, etc. etc. I realize that my problems seem trivial to most onlookers but the fact of the matter is that these things affect me as much as some more “serious” problems affect others when I let them get me down (I really loathe people trivializing the problems of others, by the way. Put your scales away).
Happiness is a choice and no matter how challenging things seem or how depressed we might find ourselves, we all have the power to figure it out. Sometimes, you just have to try a little harder than others. I always feel incredibly selfish when I get in these blue moods because I have so much to be thankful for, but I will do my best to keep the frowns upside down when we get back from the upcoming Chicago series. I guess the really cheesy moral of the story here is that your life is what you make it, so you ought to do what you can to make it your flavor of awesome.
Hugs and killer whales.
p.s. I think it might be kind of ridiculous that I just watched an hour-long special on sperm whales and didn’t learn anything I didn’t already know. Related-ish: the number one thing I’m excited to get back home for is visiting the Newport Aquarium again. YEAH BUDDY! (See, things are looking up already). Oh! And you can start expecting posts on my Cincinnati experiences also. (: