Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will drive you mad…

As you may or may not know, last Saturday I deactivated my Twitter following Mat’s start against the Astros. I made the choice after receiving hateful tweets from “fans”.  I didn’t do it because my feelings were hurt. I didn’t do it because I can’t handle criticism. I did it knowing full well that I would be able to reactivate my account within 30 days. I just needed a break. It is one thing to constantly have to digest negative banter about myself and my husband on the internet and quite another not to respond.

The problem with Twitter is that it allows people to become unaccountable for their words and provides these same people access to individuals they may otherwise never get the opportunity to speak to. Bullies hide behind usernames that are in no way associated with their real world identity and suddenly have the courage to say things that they would never say to someone’s face if given the opportunity. On principal, this makes me hate the internet with the passion of 6,000 steamy love boats.

No, I don’t expect people to have nothing but nice things to say about Mat or I. Let’s be honest, we have become conditioned to look for people’s flaws, short-comings, weaknesses, etc. rather than focus on the positive or make the effort to find anything nice to say.  Here’s the bottom line: your opinion of me (or my husband) is none of my business. There is absolutely no need for anyone to send their hateful thoughts to me. Write them on your blog, tweet them to your followers, do what you have to do to feel better but keep your negative energy away from me.

I normally go about my business with generous use of the “block” button but it just really got to me on Saturday night that people seem to get such a kick out of being nasty. It made me even more irate that the people being nasty were provoking me to be nasty back. That’s not who I am. I don’t have a mean bone in my body or any intent to make anyone else feel poorly. Recognizing this emotion in myself was my sign to leave the room and come back when I had cleared my head. Life is too short, people.

I have conditioned myself to put up with a lot of crap from “people” whose faces I will never see but let me depersonalize this issue for a moment- STOP USING THE INTERNET TO BE HATEFUL.

Mat and I are human. Like every other human on earth, we have bad days and we make mistakes… But virtually kicking someone when they’re down is just low. I am certain that this incident isn’t the end of the nonsense that I will put up with in choosing to be a part of the Twitter community but I have a single request: The next time you consider being hateful or attacking someone on the internet, just don’t. It doesn’t make you cool. It’s not funny. It’s disgusting and says more about you than the person you’re addressing.

Freedom of speech is awesome. Twitter is awesome.  Being a hateful jerk sucks.

Smile for me.

Dallas

p.s. I would share some of the really lame tweets I got on Saturday but no… they’re not worthy of further discussion.

66 Comments

Missing you on twitter. Sorry people are jerks.

Hey Jen! I’m back! That was a much needed 3/4 day hiatus.

Dallas,
I don’t know if you read your comments but hopefully you do. It sucks that people can’t be respectful to you and Mat. I just hope for your sake and Mat’s that the positive will outweigh the negative and the jerks just stay away from your twitter. It makes the positive things that are sent your way (from folks like @theworldofdale, @Jamieblog, @lisabraun, @TeamLatos, myself, etc.) get buried underneath the garbage of the Twitter world. Cheers to you, Mat and everyone on #TeamLatos! In the infamous words of 2Pac “Keep your head up!”
@B1E1T1

Definitely. I regret that it often seems like I focus on the negative with posts like this but it’s was necessary. The positive definitely outweighs the negative and that’s why I stick around. Cheers!

Good for you! Mean stinks.

Dallas,
I am really sorry that people can be so hateful to you and Mat….I really enjoyed reading your tweets and love reading your blog. You were right to cancel your twitter account. People say hateful things because they are jealous. Know that you and Mat are wonderful people and Cincinnati is glad to have you. I hope to meet you someday…
Beth Castellini

Thank you, Beth! Hopefully this post will prompt some people to think before they tweet. I hope to meet you as well!

I <3 you. That is all. :)

Bullying is so stupid. We have a big bullying problem with our children today and a lot of it is happening on the Internet. It makes me sick that grown adults are showing our children that it’s okay to bully others. I am an avid baseball fan and yes I get annoyed when a player isn’t living up to their potential but to be rude and hateful is unacceptable. Mat is human. If hes having an off day I can only imagine the frustration he goes through. He doesn’t need some random hiding behind a computer screen being hateful or reminding him of an off day. As a true fan of the game you support your team through the good and the bad.

I feel like this comment is a bunch of independent thoughts in one post but Im tired of the hate. I am sorry that you and mat are experiencing such nastiness. Know that there are people who support both of you, as a couple and as individuals. Enjoy your twitter break. You will be missed on there!!

Internet bullying is a huge problem! Fortunately for Mat, I don’t share negative tweets with him. But yes, we are all human and the nastiness has got to stop.

Very well said.

Dallas,

Mean people suck ! I hate that you have to put up with that drama. My wife and I enjoyed your tweets and will look forward to reading your blog still. I got some fishing maps for you guys. I can drop them off at the front office for you guys if you like. I will be at the game June 13th. Let me know if you want them. I hope the twitter break brings you some great R&R !

All the best !
CG

Hey Chris- I reactivated today. Fishing maps would be great! Thank you.

I really enjoy your blog and tweets. I am so sorry that “fans” can be so nasty. I wish you and your husband the best and look forward to Mat’s next start.

I agree with you 100% – sorry on behalf of those “fans”.

Hi, Dallas. People do love to troll. A webcominc, Penny Arcade, has a really cool explaination of people’s behavior on the internet. I thought I’d share it with you. http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19

hahaha thank you for sharing.

Very well said Dallas. Sorry that you are going through this. Hopefully you can put this behind you. This is not what Cincinnati fans are about. Unfortunately it is a select few who seem to ruin things all the time. Stay positive and try to not let the idiots get to you.

I don’t judge the masses by a handful. Staying positive is my plan every day. Thanks Shawn.

very well said Dallas- I totally agree with you .

I’m glad you’re back, Dallas. It sucks that people choose to be so hateful when they know their words can’t be traced back to them. It’s easy to say “Be Strong” and “Shove it off” and “Don’t let it get to you” but we’re human. It hurts to have such awful things said to us. Real fans of Mat know that he’ll get it together and be a great player for the Reds!

I have been to three games this season, two of which Mat has pitched. I am a fan & I am always cheering for him! Mean people suck!

Well said Dallas. I don’t know why I’m still surprised by the horrible things people say on the internet. I’m generally a pretty outspoken person and can usually be counted on to tell it like it is and say what everyone else is thinking but not saying, but that has not and will never include wishing bodily harm and other unfortunate events on another person or member of his or her family. And I never say anything on Twitter or anywhere else on the internet that I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying to someone’s face. I can’t believe people think it’s OK to tweet garbage like what I saw in my timeline Saturday and last night as well. I’m seriously starting to think social media is going to fuel the complete breakdown of civilized society. And you are absolutely right that people seem to get a kick of being nasty and hateful. I think it all goes back to people tearing other people down in order to feel better about themselves, which is sad and pathetic in real world space, and Twitter just gives those people a semi-anonymous means to that end to be even more hateful and nasty because there are fewer repercussions. I sincerely hope the actions of the (apparently more numerous than I thought) idiots who don’t know how to behave like humans doesn’t turn you guys off the city of Cincinnati and true Reds fans altogether. I’ll be sending positive vibes from section 103 on Friday in your and Mat’s direction on Friday :)

Thanks girl! I am right there with you in the outspoken department and I wont say I’m not guilty of the occasional Kim Kardashian joke but the difference is all in the intent. I think you hit the nail on the head here. Hopefully people start to think before they tweet!

Dallas,

Sorry you have to put up with the foolish, immature behavior of a few Reds “fans”. There are many of us that hope this doesn’t change your opinion of this great Cincinnati community that both yourself and Mat have become a part of.

I agree…Only the best for yourself & Mat.

missed ya but I totally understand the need to remove urself for awhile. glad ur back!

I will admit that I’m not completely sold on Mat, but I’m a very cautious fan. (I am still not sold on Jay Bruce, if that gives you any indication.) With that being said, there is a time and a place for constructive discussion, and maybe even constructive criticism, but being spiteful and hateful is just terrible. I may not agree with everything you say, but I appreciate that you are putting it out there for me to read. Don’t let them get you down — us real Reds fans aren’t like that. Please don’t let the viciousness of Twitter reflect poorly on your new town.

EXACTLY… If you ever want to let me know that it looks like he isn’t keeping the ball down, he’s tipping his pitches, etc. Be my guest! Constructive discussion and criticism is always welcome and never offensive. I’m glad you know the difference, Stan! Go Reds!

Besides that being a very well written post, I have a lot of respect for you Dallas for what you said. I think sometimes it’s easy for people to dehumanize people in the public eye. Way to set the record straight and tell some people how it really is.

Thank you, Carissa. I appreciate it!

Bravo!! The real Reds fans get frustrated, but we know that people have good days and bad days. We always know that the great game will be the next one, or the next one!! I applaud you for not tweeting back! Your a better person than I!! I do hope you get back on twitter I very much enjoy your tweets!!

Welcome back! Go Mat and go first place reds!!

I enjoy your tweets. I am a big fan of Mat and Dallas Latos. When all is said and done the Reds will win a world series or 2 with Mat on the mound.

Sucks that people ruin it for the rest of us. Your true Reds fans can’t wait to welcome you back to the twitter world with open arms.

Well put Lady! Best of everything to Matt and you! We miss you. When you coming to Malibu?

Ya know, I think you are awesome and I’m glad you reactivated. And I totally agree with you. The internet is a place for people with no cajones to pretend like they have big ones. I know its unrealistic to say ignore them, but just remember that there are lots of people like me out there that just enjoy you, love the Reds and want nothing but the best for and from Mat! So do your thing girl. Don’t let idiots and assholes rob you of enjoying it.

Glad you came back. I knew from the get go if matt didn’t pitch lights out the idiots would show up in numbers. I can’t imagine the crap that’s sent to you on a daily basis. It’s the minority that makes it so bad. Just know that most of Cindy is happy to have you and your husband here and hope it gets better from here on out!

Thoroughly enjoy your sharing! Don’t let the jerks get to you. They are a vocal minority

Dallas, please don’t judge people from Cincinnati because some Reds fans are just mean and hateful. Some Reds fans think they should be the Manager or the GM because the played High School baseball or coached a Little League team. They judge the Reds on each game, each inning or even each pitch. They think they are supreme experts on baseball. They embarrass the city with their comments and are not the true Reds fans. My son and I will wear our Team Latos shirt proudly and my family hope both of you enjoy our city. We are very happy that both of you are here.

I believe the REDS put to much pressure on Mat when was traded for and the fans were lead to believe he was going to lead us to the promise land . Lets wait into Sept and we are in the playoffs and Mat is pitching and lets see what the fans say

Dallas,

You’ve tweeted me back a few times, talkin about some of the A-holes on Twitter. Glad to see you’ve still got your head up, and I’m with everyone else on here, I’m super happy to have you here, and definitely Mat, he’s a great pitcher, just a young guy, everyone has bad days. And I’d like to apologize on behalf of us Reds fans who don’t act like complete idiots, just because of one bad outing. I don’t understand why they’re a sports fan, if all they wanna do is complain about everything. I’m definitely glad to have ya back!

I know this blog is about you, and stuff, but I’d like to wish Mat some good luck Friday against the Tigers.

Thanks for bein you!
@BigSexy7721

Welcome back. I am very proud of you for rising above the haters. You know how we feel here in the southland about you and Mat. Hope to finally meet you in July.

Dallas, wasn’t sure about all this open communications when you got here and how it would go and I’m so sorry that people couldn’t just accept it and enjoy it. It’s so rare for people who are in the public eye to share themselves like you do and I for one enjoy reading it very much and getting the insight into you the person. Keep going and don’t let the bastards get you down as they say. Welcome to Cincy and go Reds!

My husband & I love following you; so glad you’re back:)

Dallas,
Very well written and while several have said it already, so sorry for the haters and the mean cyber tweeters. Absolutely no sense in it and now I understand why the Twitter vacate. My husband and I enjoy your tweets and are fans of Mat’s. Welcome back!
Missy

(Big hugs!) So sorry to hear!! You are Awesome and will always be some one very special!!! :)

Glad to see the blog post! I’m not on Twitter (yet), but I was afraid you’d step away from the blog too after I got the gist from other commenters. Some people suck, and have no filter, and take horrible advantage of the access they’ve been given to people who they would not have the courage to say ‘boo’ to if they ever ran into them in public. It’s sad that they don’t stop to think before they post – “hmmm, what if someone said this to me when I was having a bad day at my job? what if they said it to my wife/husband? have I never had a bad day at work in a new city, with a whole new crew of people around me that I’m still learning to work with?” The internet can bring about a HUGE lack of empathy and compassion. I’m sorry that you got caught in the crosshairs of that and bravo! to you for recognizing that you needed to step away for a moment.

But while some people suck and like to show the world that they suck very loudly, most don’t and the good ones can be hard to hear because they know it isn’t polite to shout over people.

I’d love to challenge the naysayers to try and see just how hard it is to throw a 90mph fastball into a very small window without hitting a human being before they start judging any of our pitchers.

As a Reds fan for over 40 years, I appreciate the effort Mat gives, and I’m sure that he’ll have many great starts for the Reds. And I enjoy the blog a lot.

Amen… keep your heads up it’ll get better.

I’m not a Reds fan. I don’t usually care much for baseball wives.
However, I think Amanda McCarthy is wonderful, and somehow that lead me to your twitter.
I think you’re amazing.
You’re beautiful and hilarious. You’re open, honest, and unpretentious. You’re so terrifically real. You’re proud to be yourself and not the blank-faced doe-eyed cleat-chaser.
Thank you for being such a refreshing person, who also happens to be married to a baseball player.

You were definitely missed. Your tweets and your blog are very entertaining. I appreciated you’re use of the word “unaccountable.” The anonimousness (sic) of twitter give people, what they think is, a right to say what ever they want. Thank you and I look forward to more tweets and blog posts.

Hey Dallas. Sorry to hear you’ve been having trouble in the Twittersphere. I’ve had similar issues with online heckling (not related to my job) so I know how you feel. Glad you’re back – hopefully it won’t happen again and you can keep entertaining us nice folks on Twitter, and, of course, this blog. We won’t bite! Hope we can meet in person sometime soon. -Meggie

I agree with this blog on a lot of levels. Thr one point i have to critisize you on dallas, is this. All this negativity has gotten this blog posted. The true fans who actually care about you and may get no acknoledgement from you or mat. I understand that you dont have to, but it would be nice now and again to do so.. It doeant seem right that the haters are being put in the spotlight more than the true fans. Just my 2quit cents. I have not read any previous comments so if this has been addressed i apologize. Thanks and best wishes

@t_fosterchild. Fan

I have to dispute the statement that the ‘true fans’ get no acknowledgement from Dallas on the blog or Matt elsewhere. One of Dallas’ most recent posts was about the twitter meet-up at GABP so she could meet some of the people following her in a safe environment. And Matt has done quite a few Cincinnati public event appearances in the brief time that he’s actually gotten to be in his new city between games (I actually feel for him that it seems like he’s had no down time, even when he’s supposed to be off, since he was traded here and had to sprint off to Spring Training.).

Also, I can’t name a blog that any of the other wives or players have to give fans insight and access. Maybe I just haven’t found them yet, but Dallas has been all about ‘the true fans’ just by having a blog to begin with.

Dallas,

After working in retail for a number of years, I’m never amazed anymore to see or hear how despicable people are. I could go on and on as to why people act like they do, but I think in a society where people are given everything they want and there are no repercussions for actions makes them predisposed to act the way they do. People would come in with a giant chip on their shoulder, mad at the world, and want to take it out on somebody. Who better than someone who is supposed to “serve” them, and because they are working in the service industry is probably lower on the food chain than them, not as smart as them, or rich as them. Here’s the big issue, though. These people are just miserable shells walking around. They don’t have happy/perfect lives and feel that bringing people down who are happy will make them feel better (thank you Psych degree!). It’s certainly not easy to do, but I’ve gotten pretty good at showing them to their face that they don’t bother me and are acting ridiculous, then pitying them after they leave. But you are right, the internet provides a whole new level of anonymity. Just know that these are the people who are especially unhappy. Cowards who would never say anything to your face, and instead would probably offer to get down on their hands and feet and be your best friend for life.

Good for you … and a great outing last time out!

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I agree 110% with you Dallas.

As a life long sports fan I find that social media has given me unprecedented access into the lives of the players and player’s families. This is such a neat thing for a fan, it allows us to feel like we are a part of the team in some way. Your blog is always honest and fun to read and your tweets are a blast! What you have to realize is that Cincinnati fans are a passionate bunch and most know when to draw the line. That being said, Cincinnati is also home to a small minority of backwards ass, redneck idiots that have trouble tying their own shoes each morning before they head down to the store for a case of Bud and and a carton of smokes. I guess what I am getting at is if you are willing to put yourself out there, you have to expect some grief from the douchebags. Keep up the good work and best of luck to Mat the rest of the season, Go Reds.

Um … Bristol Palin is human too

This married, straight, Giants’ fan would like to thank you and Mat for your wonderful photo in the No on H8 campaign. I know Giants’ fans and Mat have had our differences in the past… but that photo (and your blog) erased a lot of the cartoon view of sports rivalries. I’ll just have to treat Mat as an opponent instead of as the enemy from now on. Matt and Chelsea Cain… Mat and Dallas Latos leading the way… Good on you, both!

Cheers!

Sorry for a question unrelated to the post itself. It is about ballparks when the team is on the road…my husband & I have decided to do our first Reds road trip to catch a Reds v. Cubs game in August. Is there a better section of the Wrigley to sit in than another – where “away team” (in this case, Reds fans) sit? It would be nice to be grouped closer to other Reds fans if there are areas where they centralize a little. (Frankly, I don’t want to be the only person wearing Reds gear in the middle of a pack of Cubbies. I’m afraid of getting my ass beat when we win.) Also, any decent hotel recommendation?

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